I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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