my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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