I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
