i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
