An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
