Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
