I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
