I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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