Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
