grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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