Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
