I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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