Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
