R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
