we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Church boner. Awkwardddd
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
