You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
