it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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