omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
