He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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