i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
