Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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