I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
