so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
