soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
