You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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