11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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