There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
