I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
