he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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