I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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