My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
