Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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