whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
