My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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