We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
