My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
