he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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