What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
