If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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