I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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