I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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