Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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