I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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