I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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