epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
