True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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