handjob tips. give me some.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
