It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
