I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
