Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
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