Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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