that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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