Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
