I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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